ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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