that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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