I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
