I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
