ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
