My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize