My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
