Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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