Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
