He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
