She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
