i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
