wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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