I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize