I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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