I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
