There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
