Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't deserve a penis
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
