every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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