Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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