I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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