I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize