what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
