Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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