moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
