i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
