i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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