remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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