He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
