Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
