woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
