Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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