You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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