Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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