She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
