I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
