We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
