DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
