This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
