We're facebook friends in real life
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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