i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
