I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
