Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
