I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So drunk its hurt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
