I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
