He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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