dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize