Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
