I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
