Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
