I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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