and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
