Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize