dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
