So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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