every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
