this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
