I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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