just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
