i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
