I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
