dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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