I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i dont even know how to be here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
