It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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