she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
