just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize