The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
